Zero Defect: An autobiography of a software engineer Read online

  The next day we were further drowned in the sea of paperwork, our employee id was handed out, the guy called out names and the ids, he told us that this id is important, from now on we would be identified with our id and not names. My turn came and the guy called out my name but I couldn't quite figure out what he said, the number was confusing, so I got off my desk climbed onto the podium and asked the guy.

  "What is it? You can't understand such a small thing?" Irritatingly the guy said.

  "It was confusing, you seemed like you are repeating the same number"

  "What was your name again?" He asked.

  "I"

  "He looked up my name in the sheet and said, 70707.

  ”Sorry?" I said.

  "7-0-7-0-7" He repeated slowly. Palindrome! I murmured.

  Later on a couple of bank guys came to open an account and represented their respective banks; city bank told us about this facility and that facility and how we can do everything online including printing a chequebook on someone else’s name, it was some impressive shit; then came on the Kotak guy who said they have very high interest rate and they have this fancy auto sweeping facility where a/c is swept-off automatically, that was impressive too; HDFC gave its presentation too – how they can give home loans for constructing commercial properties; but I was curious about Garib Bank he didn't say anything no blah-blah, no exaggeration or adulation about his bank so I thought let’s talk with this guy who doesn’t talk. I asked him what does he has to offer? And all he did was he handed over a sheet of paper to me, I looked at it, it was an a/c opening form which I just took and voila! the very next moment he handed me a readymade kit and told that my account would be active by the evening. And thus I had an account with no money by the day ended, I was a garib of the Garib bank – their perfect customer. I was waiting eagerly for my first salary, like a bird waiting for the raindrops in the summer heat; little did I know that most of it would be evaporated before it reached the ground.

  The next day we were divided into two groups, long term and short term training batches, short term for the CS/IT guys and long term for the rest of the branches. As every batch was given a specialization our batch too was given specialization, I was hoping for mainframe because someone told me it was old-gold and it couldn't be hacked. I thought I would right a script or two and maybe I could bring down this monster, who knows? I was just getting started, the possibilities were endless.

  I got Open Systems instead, I elbowed the guy sitting next to me and asked him what exactly what this open system was, and he too didn't have a clue. Fortunately, we didn’t remain clueless for a long time as the HR guy handed out a schedule handout; it was the strangest combination of technologies I have ever heard - C++, VB, Unix, and Pearl. I mean how can you put together VB with a group of Unix and C++? I guess that’s why it was called open system as they were open to any weird combinations. It was like cooking mix-veg for the dinner from the leftovers of previous day. Mom didn’t want to throw it out, the children had to eat.

  Later in the day we were put into prof. comm. training, it was for us newbie to introduce to the office communication and corporate etiquette, it sounded fun but it was hell boring. We were told what was appropriate behavior and what was not, how should we dress up and how should we not and yeah one anti-sexual refresher was held where the only important thing to take away was that we could purpose or ask a girl out twice and after that it'd be considered harassment, I noted everything down carefully in a little yellow pad. Who would have thought at that time it would serve me as the best of the knowledge the job had to offer, I’d go on to use the system against the system. The only way to destroy a beast is to let the beast destroy itself.

  Soon it was the end of the month, and everybody anticipated that salary would get credited but when it didn't I asked the next guy whether he has received the salary or not, he too hadn't, "Where's your bank account in?" was my next question. "Garib Bank" He replied, "Garib!" I wondered if it was a problem with the bank, and if the bank was called so only because they making they customer garib. I shared my concern with him and so we went to see the HR, the HR guy told us there was nothing to worry about, of-course he could say so it was our salary which was not coming and not his. He explained that since we joined after the 15th we'd get it next month.

  The day when the soft skill training ended it rained, as if God was angry or something – Indra must be angry we men folks were not meant to do soft things. It rained like something, on my way back to the hotel I had to cross a streaming river of knee deep water. It rained throughout the night and the water raised from knee deep to waist deep, we trainees wondered among ourselves whether to go to the office or not, but it was no college that we could mass bunk within minutes HR called and said that there were some important session today that we needed to attend - the HR head would be coming to deliver a session on some HR leave policies and after that we'd be allocated our permanent desks. I put an extra trouser and shirt in the bag and braved the water, I was hoping that it would somehow disappear like it did for baby Krishna, but this corporate rat was in no luck and the miracle didn't happen.

  We got in the bus at the usual timing, I went to the last seat and got rid of my PJs and wore the trousers, I was hell conscious while I did that. I felt a girl at the second row took a peek at my bare ankles. It took us forever to cross the Hosur road which was completely paralyzed due to water logging, from the window I saw an alto floating in the water, and a bald guy with suit and a neck tie was standing on the roof, and a street dog swimming rapidly toward them trying to get onboard. Would the poor dog finally be saved? The question remained.

  When we reached office we came to know that both the HR and the HR head were missing. They didn't turn up due to the heavy rain. Immediately my imagination took a fancy and I imagined the HR and his chief in a blazer and a tie but in shorts sitting on top of their car, rowing with oars in their hands.

  Finally after couple of days of havoc the rain stopped and the situation normalized I got down with high fever and my skin looked extremely pale. Nevertheless I went to the office it was our first technical training Pearl that is, but in office too I felt to queasy to attend to anything. So I went to see the company doctor in the break, the doctor was an old man his head resembled a desert with patches of vegetation of white hair here and there. He examined me worriedly and referred me to some city hospital, I still had not received any salary so I rationalized it wasn't anything serious and I would be okay in couple of days and I don’t have to go to a hospital, and how mistaken I was. A day after, I woke up and peered into the mirror, who’s that yellow alien I see? I called an auto and went to the prescribed hospital, the nurse and the doctors were shocked to see me and at once admitted me.

  Welcome to Mysore

  I was diagnosed with jaundice, office was informed and my parents were informed, a thought came in my mind that I wouldn’t survive. By the evening my condition deteriorated, I was getting paler and paler, my heart barely seemed to beat. My only consolation was the other guy lying next to me being fed upon the bottles of glucose, every time he cried it made me feel better.

  Couple of days and big-heavy-syringes-on-my-behind later my condition improved and I finally said hello to the guy lying next to my bed, he too looked like a jaundice guy. We bonded because our sorrows were same.

  "So what bring you here?" I asked him.

  "The same thing that brought you" "I came a day earlier than you" He told me.

  God! he had more experience than me, I felt a reverence for him. "Sharma" He introduced himself as. He was from Delhi, engineering graduate just like me, a software engineer wannabe just like me. As there was no means of entertainment we told each fantastic stories, most of them from the college days – like how we avenged ourselves against the dean in a barbaric kambal thukhai, how they caught their warden sneaking into the lady warden’s room and so on. There was something about this guy, a lightness, perhaps an aura of simpleness - something which wel
comes you and hugs you tight.

  A few days later after he was freed I was let go as well, back to Haldwani I went, since the doctor had suggested a rest of month at least. I was worried, not because I was sick and all but I may have to quit my job, I didn’t want that after so much of struggle that I put in. Nervously, I shared my concern with HR guy and he told me that how sorry he was and so sympathetic and all and then he added that technically there is no sick leave but I could go on a loss of pay which should suit my purpose.

  So, I went back home with Sharma, we travelled together till Delhi and from there I boarded the bus to Haldwani, the bus was kind of slow, but nevertheless I reached home, home sweet home, it was Haldwani after all, the place I lived, the place I loved. My father was happy to see me back she didn't seem to notice that I was looking bit different – yellow to be precise, but my aunt was worried sick when she saw me. She treated me like a puppy, and pampered me like a six month year old baby. All in all it was one month well spent.

  One fine day when I felt that I should call off my holiday, I called the HR guy and told him that I wanted to join, he told me that he'd get back to me on that. A couple of days later he told me that I had to undergo the training from the beginning, I told him it was okay as long as I didn't have to repeat those soft skill sessions, it was torturous enough one time. I was elated when he told me that my joining location has been changed to Mysore.

  #

  A guy was already sitting on my seat when I boarded the Mysore Volvo bus from Bangalore Majestic station, I had never been into a luxury bus before, I had always taken those roadways bus who usually are as bumpy as the roads themselves on which they run, I thought they were worth the money as they roller coaster you throughout the way, how boring it was to sit in this giant bus which doesn’t even seem to move even when it was making 120.

  The guy next window, I showed him my ticket and asked him to move aside, he replied that the reason he was sitting at the window seat was that he feels nauseatic during the journey. I figured he was traveling in Volvo for first time too because I told him even if he wanted to he couldn't threw out of the closed window. You should have seen his face then, it was anemic and completely colorless. Anyway, so I settled with the aisle seat, and closed my eyes, I imagined it’d be Mysore when I woke up. As the journey progressed I realized the guy was worried sick about all the things all the time. He told me that his joining was of yesterday, he thought that the company may not like his unpunctuality and fire him. I told him he needn't worry - nobody could fire him without first hiring him. He nodded and felt relived for a second before going on another worry trip, “What do you mean, I am not hired?” He asked barely able to put together the words. “I was just joking” I replied, and closed my eyes.

  The bus stopped at McD for lunch, and we got off for something to eat, I was heading straight to the McD when he poked me "Let's go this way" he said pointing at the small dhaba. I looked at him doubtfully but he seemed convinced. I took a look at the menu and I grew confused, everything was typical south-indian, he suggested me to have lacha parantha and some different varieties of chatni, I dared and took on the challenge and I must tell you that it was one of the most delicious meals of my life, ever, period.

  As soon as we got off on the Mysore bus stand, autowallahas surrounded us, Softpro he said, I looked at him puzzled this was not we were going, he defended,

  "My cousin told me, he was here in the training center six months ago, if you say the Corporation these bastard autowallahas will rob you off" "anyway Softpro is just next to our campus"

  We hadn't gone even a km that my cellphone rang, it was Sanju. Sorry yaar, he said, my TL gave me something last minute, anyway where are you? Where am I? Good question.

  “I am approaching some circle”, "pump house circle" auto guy said. “Okay just tell him to drop you at Metagalli, I'll pick you up from there.”

  “Are you sure?" I asked "I have got accommodation inside"

  “Just stay with me for couple of days, for old time sake "

  “Yeah, I guess" I it's been too long that I have seen you. anyway.” I replied. So I got down at metagalli as planned, I spent half an hour waiting but he didn’t turn up, I called him but he didn’t answer, tired I sat in a small restaurant and ordered some nariyal pani, specifically I told him that I want one rich with malai, I was so amazed to see that it only costed five bucks a piece in this part of the country, and from where I came one was priced three times over. I waited for half an hour more before he called up again, and after making some lame excuse in which he continently shifted the blame on his TL he told me that he was not coming.

  "What do you mean by not coming?" This whole sleepover was a bad idea I thought.

  "I am stuck with something urgent today, I have a client call going on, so I won’t be able to - "

  What the hell did that mean? client call? I knew telephone call, nature’s call but client call? I assumed it was something important or something awesome so I just answered,

  "What do I do then?" He replied that I can directly go to his place, I can find the key at the back of the house, under the latch of the water tank. I followed his instructions and went to the place, more surprise was to follow, I came to know that he lived underground, quite literally, his place was a basement actually. The place was big though, quite a massive, two big bedrooms, one huge hall and one drawing, kitchen too was impressive in size.

  In the evening too I couldn't meet Sanju, he didn't call up and I didn't enquire either, I imagined that a few months from now this would be me, I would be the labor working tirelessly to finish off the day’s work.

  #

  I was caught spell bound by the magnanimity of the campus, I had heard it was big but not in my wildest of dreams I expected it to be that big. I was standing in front of a huge metal gate, no no no, very very huge metal gate. This was the same place where the dream was born, I read it somewhere online that somewhere in the campus still lied a small 10x12 shop which Mr. Reddy rented, it was like the gangotri of this ganga where we all bath today. So, this whole campus thing is built around that one small shop, it must be something special I thought.

  The architecture of the buildings that campus housed was astounding too, each one distinctively different from another and yet strikingly similar in their spirit, I recall somebody had told me that you can see initial of the founder from Parvati hill. I wondered what would have taken to create such a marvel, the resources? The money? The vision? The hunger? The dream?

  The screech sound of the auto rickshaw put a brake on my thoughts. There you go, a girl came out, I couldn’t hear what rickshaw-wallah said, or what she said to him, but there seemed to be a problem, so I put down my bag and went to her, just like any gentleman should do, “anything wrong?” I enquired.

  “He’s asking for fifty bucks extra” I tried to negotiate with the guy but he refused to bulge, his silly argument was that the prices of petrol have just increased so she had to pay extra.

  “When did it happen?”

  “While he was driving” she replied. What the hell I thought, did he get the updates from a news app?

  “Okay” I said “let’s take out the luggage first” She had like two big suitcases which were like 40 kg each, god what was she carrying? Material for making a missile? Or perhaps the standard girl’s stuff - cloths and shoes, more cloths and more shoes. Anyway we took out the luggage and started walking, thank god for the wheels that I was able drag those suitcases, “come pick up my bag” I said pointing with my head, The autowallah just looked at us trying to understand what was going on, don’t look back I told her, she smiled for a brief moment. After getting inside the campus, she waited at the security, I already had an id card from Bangalore so I just went in.

  I saw couple of bikes near the gate, I grabbed one and fastened my hand bag on the carrier. I felt great when I started pedaling; I haven't ridden a bike for a while. On my way I asked couple of people for the direction to the hostel. I cros
sed a curious looking building, it was under construction I was mystified by its architecture, it looked like flattened elongated globe, more like a half ovaloid. I wondered what they were upto. By now I had started wondering whether the company I had joined was a technology firm or an architecture one. I couldn’t understand the founder’s obsession with all that quirky buildings.

  I knocked on the door of room 188 the room that was allocated to me, someone was already there, so I just prayed that he did not smoke and he did not eat non vegetarian and also that he did not talk too much. I wished for someone just like me and there he was none other than the great tension baba standing in front of me half naked wrapped around in a towel and wearing a thin white vest.

  I looked around the room, it was a decent room, infact much more than a decent, a big LCD TV, an air-condition and a comfy looking bed. I looked at the clock on the wall, I had no time to settle down, I was already running late for the orientation. Tension Baba was almost ready to leave, I decided against taking shower, which was you know kinda of bad (smelling) decision considering I didn't take a shower last night as well.

  I met the co-ordinator at Studera building, the place resembled something from roman era, he told me to go straight to some meeting, I knocked on the door once and opened the door slowly, what laid ahead was a huge classroom. I hadn’t seen something like that before, heck! I did not even imagine such a place. I could see rows and rows of tilted heads as far as my eyes could see. I looked around and I found an empty seat next to some girl, I smiled at her and asked for a pen and a paper (girls always carry spare pen and guys never do, so that they can ask them), she tore a leaf from the middle of her notebook and gave me a purple sparkling pen. I noticed the presentation on the white board it was about Java servlets, I was relieved to find out that I was in java stream. After the lecture I didn’t know what next to do or where to go so I followed the wave of the people which took me to another room few corridors down. It was a huge lab, with rows and rows of computers stacked, again I followed the same strategy and sat on a chair which was empty, couple of minutes later a guy came to me and claimed the seat, I suddenly felt like an alien being, dropped amidst the ocean of humanity, I was not befriending anyone and nor anyone was eager to do so. I was surrounded by thousands of people and yet I felt a tinge of loneliness creeping inside me.