Zero Defect: An autobiography of a software engineer Read online

  I put on the music on my old Nokia phone, Beatles was playing my favorite song – Imagine. I felt a certain chill every time I played this song and that's why I only listened to it at very special, very particular moments. And this was a special moment, I had so much to look forward to.

  Our conversation drifted from shore to shore, he told me that he had been planning to start a social entrepreneurship. I too had ideas in my head but they were bit different, I told him that I was thinking about writing a book. He asked me if I was really serious.

  “Yes, I am very serious” I replied.

  “What are you writing about?” He asked.

  “Is that a rhetorical question?” I asked back.

  “Why would that be a rhetorical question if you are writing, ain’t you? He replied.

  I nodded.

  “Then you must have a story” He said.

  “Story!” I said to myself, I had none. Truth was I had ideas but I couldn’t conjure something solid, what I was looking for was perfection, I didn’t want to write another Romeo or Juliet, or inspector Space Time or a detective with drinking problems, I wanted to write something entirely new, something that has never been written before, something that has never been thought before.

  Our conversation then drifted, we talked about this girl, she was a girl from our high school, pretty she was, her name was Charu. I remember how bad he felt, when he had to leave the school, young love, they were still getting to know each other at that time. He told me he hadn't forgotten her a bit, he still remembers her smile though her braced teeth, her big brown eyes behind her spectacles. Love that never was, would I be able to reconcile mine?

  We laughed as we reminisced why he has to leave school in the first place, he was involved in a gang fight, he was not a leader and all but more like was swept away in the wave. During those days our school was being increasingly divided into gangs or nations as they use to call them. Everybody had to be in one, it was something you couldn’t escape, it was other thing though that some took it seriously and some didn’t.

  Infact that girl Charu was the very epicenter of the ruffle, she had a problem with a guy from other school; after school while going home this guy would often tease her, first she took it more like a compliment, she had not had such attention in the past. One fine day – Raghu one of the guy from Thieves of Baghdad nation, the same one that Raghu belonged spotted it, he came to her rescue but was beaten black and blue later by that that Romeo’s nation. All that spiraled into a big theft in that Romeo’s house, police came in and all, Raghu was suspended from school, at that time Raghu’s sister was a senior, she called in for help – and this guy, my friend, what was his name, Jaat, he was quite smitten by her, he made it a personal mission and confronted the romeo nation, result – blood bath, Jaat’s blood mostly. Charu couldn’t stand anymore and she attempted a suicide or so everybody thought when she embraced poison, it was only later found out she fancied a wild mushroom. I always had a feeling she was just a drama queen. Anyway, somebody spread a rumor that the dying girl was calling for Sanju. Though I am sure she was trying to convey something else, perhaps the deadly mushroom species that she had for tea. And that’s how the young blood Sanju got all wrapped up.

  “What do you think? Did she ever like me?” He asked.

  I did not have any answer, but I replied affirmatively.

  “Yes, she did, that look in her eyes, didn’t you see that? That couldn’t be but love”

  I thought that would perhaps make him happier, but I was wrong he grew even more anxious - one thing that you knew was yours and yet you couldn’t have it. Nothing more frustrating than that! He told me that he couldn’t contact her, the telephone number was changed and he lost her forever. I blinked in a silence approval, as if I shared his grief. Truth be told, I had her number, but I had decided to keep it with me. I couldn’t understand myself why I didn’t want to give him – but it was just as it was – plain raw truth.

  That night I had a dreamless sleep or at least I couldn’t remember it when I got up, it was important as I was about to begin on a journey both new and significant. I had to get up quite early to catch the morning office bus, it was still six o’clock when I got off the bed. Queuing for the bathroom, brushing my teeth at the sink, waiting at the breakfast table - I felt kinda like a zombie going through the motions.

  Sanju’s brother was watching me intently as I stood in front of the mirror trying to put on my contacts; he didn't ask me anything but had a puzzling expression on his face as if he had seen a man-boob.

  It was quite obvious that he was curious about contacts, the first question that everyone asked me was,

  'Are these really made of plastics?' I couldn't help but let out a laughter. Then came the second question, which was even more stupid. 'Okay, is it a glass?' Imagine putting glass in your eyes!

  Even though he didn’t ask me anything but I felt a moral obligation to educate him, I told him about the brief history and geography of contact lenses and how it was completely safe and how it was super easy to wear. I bet I quenched his thirst for the knowledge. And when I was done with my long talk he silently took my place in front of the mirror and started doing his strange make-up routine - he had an eyeliner and skin softener and what not. I felt stupid, all the while he was just waiting for me to step aside.

  I stepped out and I felt a tingling sensation inside my body when I inhaled the fresh air of the 7 o’clock morning. Sanju asked me to sprint as we were a bit late behind the schedule, the bus doesn’t wait he told me; people had already gathered around the bus just when we reached the stop.

  Dawn’s early light glazed through the window, his shirt hanging on the arm of the chair, smell of perfume rose from his body, a pair of footsteps echoed across the hall leading to the room; and then raised the body from the coffin, with its soul left behind, he fitted himself into his man-suit; he was ready for the world.

  “What are you thinking?” Sanju caught me smiling all by myself.

  “Nothing really, just the mundane” I replied.

  Soon after we got seated I realize that I didn’t wear the contacts properly, the left one was pinching my eye. A contact has the full potential to be as irritating as an itchy tag of an underwear – your whole day can be ruined if you don’t wear them properly. Sanju, like a tour guide, spoke of the places we crossed, but my mind was not there, I was uncomfortable. My big day at Pune office and here I was, can’t even blink my eyes.

  I was amazed when we reached the Hinjawadi IT park, the big circle, flourishing green lawns around, and big walled campuses, it was something I did not see even in Bangalore. We got down from the bus outside the gate. He took me straight to the canteen which was quite big, not as big as Vizag's but nevertheless it was quite big, it was called twelve. Buildings here were numbered and I thought it was better than giving them stupid local names.

  For breakfast I settled for French toast and he ordered a glass of Bournvita. I recalled I had to report to a manager in fourteen, which was right next to the canteen. French toast was cold and bland, so I added a little ketchup to it.

  Ishika had a ketchup theory, she use to say ketchup makes everything better or at-least lends an edible grade, the only problem was that now French toast tasted more like tomatoes than eggs. I know, I know the question must have popped up in your mind, “Who’s Ishika?” But hold on for now, more on that later.

  I took a cup of coffee to go along, the guy gave me the coffee in a small stainless steel glass. Sanju asked me what I was planning to do today; I told him that I was supposed to meet a manager some Mr. Anand. But I was in no hurry. I didn’t like managers anyway. So, I decided to dedicate my day to absorb myself in the surroundings; which can be literally translated to doing nothing. And so went by the first day in the new city – doing nothing, just hanging around.

  The first few days

  On the second day, I got hold of Arnav, he was a friend from training days – Mysore. Slim, tall, wheat-ish, he lo
oked good and he talked equally good. On the breakfast table we sat, I looked at the menu and it looked all the same as yesterday, I thought about trying something new, something dangerous, something ridiculous so I asked Arnav what missal-pav was, he smiled cunningly and said you should try it, that was the only way to know it better, and this made me extra sure that it was to be avoided at all cost. So, after five minutes of contemplation I chose, once again, the great French toast. And while getting back, I grabbed a bottle of ketchup. He ordered a fruit juice, he lived at home with his parents so he already had his breakfast.

  "So how are you finding Pune?" He asked me.

  "It's my second day only." I replied. What can I conclude in two days, and besides I was in no hurry. A long journey laid ahead of me.

  "At least you must have formed an opinion about the women here" He asked giving away the same cunning smile.

  "How can I? They wear this utterly stupid scarf all the time"

  "Ha ha!" He laughed out loud. “That’s kinda true”

  “So, tell me why do they do that?” I asked him.

  “Twenty years and I am yet to figure that out” He replied.

  He spent next few minutes commenting on the people coming and going out of the canteen. “Look at that guy, his shoes look like he hasn’t got a raise for ages” – you always judge a man by his shoes I have heard this thing before, but what Arnav had to say went even a step further

  “If a guy is wearing worn out shoes then either his performance was poor or he doesn’t know how to play his manager, the second scenario being more likely.” He then pointed out a girl who was dressed rather queer – a two piece dress i.e. white shirt, jacket, that office kind of skirt and underneath black stockings. The fact she dressed herself in black reminded me of Ishika – she was obsessed with black as well. I even teased her sometime calling her a dark angel, something she really despised getting called. Anyway Arnav continued to spray the perfume of his wise words – I bet you must be wondering why she’s all dressed like that, hell I was wondering.

  “She’s an alien.”

  “Alien?” I jumped.

  “Yeah, alien to her own nation. Alien to her own identity” He said raising his voice rhythmically in a very dramatic sort of way. “It’s the usual story” I was at loss, I had no clue what he was talking about.

  “The girl comes from a poor middle class family where nobody went abroad” “She goes to the great US of A, got mocked at for being a sucker”

  “Sucker!” ‘what do you mean?’

  “Sucker is someone who tries too hard to be an angrez, he would make only western friends and completely ignore fellow Indians, would celebrate X-mas instead of Diwali Dusshera, drinks black coffee instead of chai, speaks in fake accent than in hinglish, and ..’

  “Phony” I murmured under my breath. “Phony”

  Arnav gave me forward looking headshake which was his trademark way to say, “What?”

  ‘I got the hang of it” I replied. But he carried on,

  “So when such a sucker comes back, he pretends to show-off everyone how great he is, how ultra modern, how westernized” “a slave of angrez mentality!”

  I could see Arnav fuming, why was he so angry? Isn’t it individual’s choice to live his life the way he pleases? What’s so wrong about the western thought?

  “Did you make your claims” He derailed my bandwagon of great philosophical thought.

  “What claim?” I asked, his question caught me by surprise and then it dawned on me. “You are talking about the travel claim?”

  “Yeah, what else? You travelled from Vizag to here that’s a great opportunity to reap some neat cash”

  Now, he was talking Greek again. I’ll tell you the great thing about this guy, he can read-off your face, any face just like that. Judging my helplessness he spoke, “Talk to the courier guy, he can adjust the bill as per your wish.” “You can easily inflate to double by paying him extra ten percent.”

  “Oh, btw, did you book the flight tickets as I said?” He said remembering something suddenly. “No, I did not “

  “Oh” he said taking a long sigh. “You just lost 5-6k there” “You should have booked and canceled it”

  “I know, I know” I said waving my head. “But I don’t think I could do that”

  “You have lot to learn my friend” He grinned cunningly and tapped his finger lightly on the table.

  Later, together we went to see Neeta, she was from our batch as well, and was in same account as Sanju was - Neptune. My God, she looked way slimmer, I was completely surprised by her new demeanor, and I complimented her for that. She seemed happy to see me again, but I could sense the smile was not natural, it was an attempt, just a pretension. She had changed not just from outside but from inside. I was hurt I practically threw my life away for her cause. If there was anyone who’s to be held responsible for all that happened between Ishika and me, it was her. I felt like I’d slap her then and there – no matter what the consequences. But in a moment my sanity returned and I decided never to see her again.

  "Hey, what is that sound?" I asked Neeta as we were leaving. She told me that, people were playing, they had carom on their floor, I guess like planet Neptune was devoid of life this Neptune was devoid of work.

  “What’s her deal?” I asked Arnav as we were leaving. “You, don’t know?” He fired back knowing fully I had no damn clue.

  “She got selected in one of those MITs in US, you know where people go to do MS” “Her BF just moved there couple of months back you know”

  “BF? MS? US?” it was like somebody hit me with a thousand pound metal ball in the chest, I couldn’t breathe. It forced me to think, details after details came out of Arnav’s big tounge. So, her sobbing story about her brother was all drama, a BS. “Phony” a voice screamed inside my head, “Phony”.

  And then the realization hit me, but this time from the inside, I jeopardized my own relationship so that someone could have theirs. I didn’t know how to feel about it – to have a relief that my sacrifice paved the way for someone or to have anguish that I may have lost forever someone I loved so deeply; how could I be so naïve?

  After that Arnav took me on a tour of the campus. Near eleven was the REC, a big swimming pool with tardy blue water, a gym with fancy machines, a big courtroom at the first floor where you could get your hands on TT and Badminton, the floor was wooden and shoes were not allowed, which was really irritating. Beside the courtroom was a spheroid meditation center, a wonderful place, you could just sit there for few minutes and experience silence, and hear your heart beat or your breath as it leaves and enters the windpipe. It could transport you to a journey of inner peace; the only problem was people were too afraid of the journey. They loved restlessness and breakneck pace of life much more than exploring the inner sanctum.

  REC opens at four he informed me, 'four' the word registered in my mind, can't hardly wait. He then showed me the dorm which too was on the same floor as the court, I personally didn’t like to sleep on the work time, but hell who knows, one of those days I might need some. The place was dark and cool, a score of light rhythmic snoring played in the background. Wow! My mouth opened, look at them so relaxed, sleeping like a baby, "Are they on pill or something?" I asked, "No they are not on pill, but on bench" Arnav replied stressing on the word.

  We then went on to the power station a few yards ahead of the REC, we guessed that it was a power station because there was a sign of a skull and two crossed bones on the main door.

  "They make power out of human feces" He told me excitedly, that was some revelation to me.

  "I can't believe that, do I look so naive" I countered.

  "Believe it or not it's true"

  My imagination flew several miles, I imagined people working on their computers, computers which were ultimately powered by their own faeces. I chuckled.

  "What's so funny about it?" He asked me. "It's just science" “- and a great way to serve the environment”

>   “I would remember that in the morning, when I am doing it -” I replied. “I AM SERVING THE ENVIRONMENT” I added in a dramatic robotic voice.

  Then he showed me the gladiator style auditorium area, and the BPO building. BPO! My nephew, who was actually few years older than me, worked here. One of my BPO friends once told me that they can't go for a break once they are logged in, on the PC all the time. What about nature's call? I asked him. He told me, they can't, and that they have to adjust their bodily functions according to the working rules. But the question still lurked in my mind - “But what if they really really had to?” Hell with such a job!

  We were spending a lot of time idling away when I asked Arnav if he didn’t have any work. He replied something like this, "I have tons of work" "But thing is that my manager is on leave today"

  Sanju and I met for the lunch we were going to three for the lunch he told me. I was little surprised to see that he came with his Neptune buddies (Hello! earthlings), there was this one black tall guy, one chubby guy and one regular bloke. I didn’t ask their name but they introduced themselves to me, one by one, they repeated their name as they shook my hand, but it didn’t register in my mind at all. So all the time I was like thinking what was this guy’s name and what was that guy’s name. And so, I avoided talking to them, I kept my conversation with Sanju as much as possible. From the bunch I came to know quite a few handy facts like lunch at three is spicy, really spicy, and it costs about thirty five rupees a plate which is like hell of a cost. But needn’t worry, what some smart people do is they take a mini meal, the items were basically the same, one sabzi, one dal, chapatti only that the quantity is limited, so the smart fellas fill up their thali in one go and eat a stomach-ful meal.

  On our way back Sanju told me that he had put his papers, my immediate reaction was 'what the hell!' not because it was sudden and took me by surprise but because I couldn’t figure what he meant. So, I swallowed my pride and asked him - What papers? Smilingly, he told me that he had resigned from the company. “Resigned?" I asked, “Why?” and what he told me was really silly.